First I’d like to apologize for ducking under the radar for a while.
August slipped away like a bottle of wine.
As a family we’re engaged in a lot of adjusting to the school bus schedule, the T-Ball schedule, and the whims and fancies of the child who is, apparently, the center of our world.
Meanwhile, I’m embarking on a graduate school application, because I feel like I should enter the next phase of this life. The level of emotion that goes into chasing a vision after nearly two decades out of academia is kind of overwhelming.
Plus, let us acknowledge that the moon has been wild and blue, the planets have been dancing backward, and the heat lately has been positively maddening.
All this to say, I feel like I’m a little crazy. But I’m also inspired, driven, and terrified— so I’m really, really good. This is the energy I need to get centered. The moon has to pull the ocean some kind of way for it to settle down, right? It’s all cyclical.
I’ve filled out the necessary background data for this graduate school application, and I’ve reached out to former educators and current mentors for letters of character. This has been a humbling process, the most challenging of which is writing my own letters of intent, explaining why I want to apply to be a student again.
What program could I be applying to, you ask?
(and if you don’t care to know, dear person, what are you even doing here?)
I am applying to Divinity School, aiming for a Master of Divinity from Vanderbilt.
Pray, y’all.
For those who know me, or have read this Substack for any length of time, you may ask, “What is she thinking, being a clearly non-Christian faith practicing human, applying to Divinity School. What? Why?”— all valid. Here’s why:
Because I am a believer in love.
I have seen a lot in my time on this rock, and I have seen faith save lives, and I have seen faith ruin lives, and I believe the successes outweigh the failures when faith is built on love.
What is love?
(cue the bad 80’s music, I’ll wait)
What I mean by love is this: when I come down from my expectations, when I drop my assumptions and illusions of the day to day, when I turn off whatever stories I tell myself— all that remains is myself in the mirror.
Just me.
And introspection is one way to see that I am love. We are made from the pure potential of love. And I can share it, and I can teach it by example, and I can save the world, I swear, with love.
But how can I practice love?
Be with. Be present. Show up for whatever needs me in the moments I planned, but especially in the moments I didn’t see coming. The best ability we can cultivate is availability. That is a loving path.
SO.
That’s a piece of my personal ethos, as I head toward a learning experience where I hope to understand the guiding light of this humanity’s faiths and spiritual comforts. I don’t know if the program is open to the diverse philosophies I find joy in, or the divination practices I find useful, but I am hopeful.
And if the whole process falls apart, I’ll still believe.
Thank you for being here, making the space necessary for a person like me, and I promise to keep you updated.