The most comforting thing I read as a teenager was the Tao Te Ching, with a translation that led with:
“The tao that can be told is not the eternal Tao. The name that can be named is not the eternal Name."
Lao-tzu made me a philosopher. Reading that, I felt as if I were metaphorically flung into the universe as a liberated starchild. That may be an exaggeration, but I can tell you that I was standing in the corner of my family’s living room, flipping through books, saw those lines, and that they hit and stuck. Permanently. I might have been 17.
Somehow knowing the truth of the sentiment, written over 2,000 years ago, armored me against most ideological challenges I’ve encountered since then. I realize there are a lot of people who use other books circa 2,000 years ago as Truth. But if I’m going to subscribe to the mystical ways of ancient ancestors, I appreciate the version that emphasizes acceptance and serenity over idolatry and penance.
It took unlearning a lot of Southern Baptist shame, some of which I still feel at the strangest moments, to get to a place where I can claim I have a place in this timeline of events. I have divorced myself from the notions of what a good wife/woman should be (obedient is not a quality one should seek in a partner). I have witnessed the anger of men who imagine the high pedestals of respect they believe they should be held upon, only to be crushed by anyone setting a boundary that doesn’t place them at the center of the universe. I have experienced the cultural phenomena of evangelical events, recruitments for a god that seems to care deeply about the dangers of pleasure— if it feels good, you’re definitely going to hell. Don’t be that kind of girl.
All of which leads me to the delicious dangers of education, because when you read about how the thing that can be named is probably not THE thing, it leads to questions. Exploration. Wonderment. And I would argue understanding. Sure, obviously you read and get an education to understand things, but the more you know, the more you understand yourself, and people at large, if you’re inclined to take on the onus of introspection. Books and stories are some of my best friends, and the reflections of humanity in the creations of this human kind make me deeply, deeply happy.
In embracing this path of learning, and likewise embracing the unknowingness, I have thoroughly enjoyed the what-ifs. I’ve always been fascinated by astrology, aliens, and more recently tarot and oracle cards. Psychological and sociological inquiry have occupied my brain since long before I could spell ‘psychology’. Humanity is fascinating. I plan on pursuing the study of faith, Faith, the Divine, and the divine— understanding that any distinction is a construct worth investigating.
I'm looking forward to all the ways I am moving forward, in all of the ways.
Thank you, as ever, for being here.